You want a downer. Jason Mewes is Jack, a paramedic working the godawful graveyard shift with an old timer, Roger(Richard Fitzpatrick), whose moral compass points in one direction it seems(his dick) and any advice on relationships often concern getting laid. He lives in a terrible neighborhood, and has a dump for an apartment. His needy, spoiled ex-girlfriend left him for a yoga instructor. He can't even go into a service station to get a slim jim and soda without the Indian store owner kicking him out despite the fact that he's a paramedic with blood on his shirt whose occupation is to help save lives. This guy, who really just wants love and a little bit of respect, deserves a break. We see that he and Roger deal with junkies, wackos, and other undesirables and this nightly grind is taking it's toll. That and the bitch who won't stop leaving messages on his answering machine about "getting her sh*bleep*it back". Then, one night, Jack finds a beautiful woman covered in blood and his life will never be the same after helping her..she is, in fact, a vampire, having been bitten by at some point before Jack found her in a heap, lying in the garbage near his apartment.

I imagine Mewes had been dying/itching to portray someone other than a wise-cracking stoner, with a little more depth and BITTEN was a role which allowed him to do so. He's easy-going, tolerant, thoughtful, sensitive and kind(interesting enough, he's also vulnerable, as we see when Roger comments on ex Sherry's constant abuse towards Jack to him during their times at work). He's fed up with witnessing the worst of humankind on a daily basis, for sure, and who wouldn't tire at seeing life's miseries every night? Roger's a piece of work. Sex is always on his mind and his conversations with Jack often result in too many details involving how he'd like to "take a poke" or "does she do anal?" among other lewd comments. Many scenes with Roger often start after he's "dropped a load"(he has irritable bowel syndrome). Once Danika starts to feed, Jack's life becomes increasingly complicated. First from Sherry who meets Danika while plundering through Jack's things looking for her own possessions in the apartment. Then, from a pimp/drug dealer(and his underling), and, before you know it, Danika's insatiable blood thirst seriously demands much from Jack as he tries to appease her(the price for love, I guess). I mean, eventually, Jack runs out of room to store the bodies of Danika's victims and he's always the one having to clean up after her. "It's never enough." That's what Jack deals with and Roger is starting to become suspicious(three straight shifts without Jack are more than a little suspect).

I figure fans of horror movies about sexy vamps will find BITTEN to their liking as Erica Cox is certainly easy on the eyes and almost always in panties and a t-shirt(and she does appear scantily clad on numerous occasions). The f-bombs become redundant after a while, but those familiar with anything featuring Mewes, I imagine, have developed an immunity to profanity. The movie almost exclusively occurs(except when Mewes and Fitzpatrick are on the job)in Jack's apartment or just outside. I could stand and admire Cox's form for hours, but her character doesn't exactly evolve, to tell you the truth. I wanted a reason to accept that, even though she's ravishing, Jack would continue to put up with her. She's sexy, and it doesn't really go beyond the surface, which, if I'm up front and honest, gets to be a bit hard to swallow(why would he follow her down such a dark road just because she's delectable? Is risking your life over a piece of ass really worth it? That's a point Roger makes which I can agree with)..I just have a hard time believing Jack would jeopardize his life for a woman whose past remains murky. And, BITTEN never elaborates or clues us in as to who Danika is(or was before her neck was gnawed upon). Jordan Madley appears briefly as Jack's former flame, Sherry. Not much in the way of vamp violence, some necking. Cox's sexy body and Fitzpatrick's quirky character might add some weight this minor vampire tale.

Down on his luck night shift paramedic Jack's (an excellent and engaging performance by Jason Mewes) heretofore miserable lot in life seems to perk up after he meets and falls for lovely and mysterious young lady Danika (a fine and appealing portrayal by insanely foxy brunette Erica Cox). The only problem is that Danika turns out to be a deadly and insatiable vampire. Director Harv Glazer, working from a quirky and witty script by Tyler Levine and Tim McGregor, relates the engrossing oddball story at a steady pace, milks the hysterically funny sense of cheerfully rude'n'raunchy humor for plenty of belly laughs, maintains a likably offbeat tongue-in-cheek tone, and delivers several sidesplitting moments of inspired pitch-black comedy. Moreover, Glazer also wrings some pathos out of the doomed central toxic romance and makes a valid point that there's only so far a person can go for another person. The often foul-mouthed dialogue manages to be hilariously profane throughout. Mewes and Cox make for for winning leads, with Cox in particular a definite stand-out with her sympathetic characterization as the sweet, yet lethal Danika. Richard Fitzpatrick lends terrific support as Jack's boorish, jolly, and concerned buddy Roger. Simon Shohet's sharp cinematography expertly uses shadowy lighting to striking stylish effect. As a tasty extra plus, the delectable Mrs. Cox bears her blazing hot body with pleasing regularity. A real hoot.

I enjoyed this low budget comedy which explores the perils of having a vampire for a girlfriend. It's painfully obvious that the producers of this independent movie didn't have a great deal of money to throw around, as almost the whole film takes place in a single location and in terms of special effects, fake blood and contact lenses are all we get. But the profane script just gets better as the story progresses and I ended up having a ball with it. It's as if the scriptwriter started out attempting to make a serious movie, then threw his hands up in the air and decided to enjoy himself.

Much of the comic interplay comes from the pairing of two ambulance drivers (Jason Mewes and the deliciously bad taste Richard Fitzpatrick) who curse, shout and rant at the world in general. The story, about Mewes falling in love with a girl who's always hungry, is fairly by the by, and the fun lies in the execution. It's as if the people who made this knew they didn't have a great deal to work with, so they just had fun instead.

A great deal of the scenes are played for titillation. Erica Cox either appears nude or in an extraordinarily skimpy little top. She's certainly one of the most arresting vampires I've seen on screen. Not content with that, they throw in a brief lesbian scene as well. Mewes is fun, and that sense of enjoyment rubs off, allowing you to ignore the plot holes (why don't the drug dealers come back?) and the fact that not a great deal happens during the film after all. Sure, the ending is over-the-top and cheesy in the extreme, but as a whole BITTEN kicks the asses of plenty of other similar independent horror films.